Reference: McElroy, T., & Salapska-Gelleri, J. (2023). Romantic relationships and the actions (or inactions) that end them: Blaming self or other influences feelings of regret. Advances in Cognitive Psychology, 19(1), 13–20. https://doi.org/10.5709/acp-0372-8

We humans love romance!  Having successful romantic relationships enhances life and lengthens lives. Yet breaking up is difficult. Why are some breakups harder, leaving us feeling more regret for the failed romance than others? Does blame and choosing to act or not shape regret in a breakup? 

 

Previous research shows ending a relationship often causes more regret than staying in it.  Researchers asked, “In failed romances, do gender differences influence how blaming oneself or one’s partner for the break-up affect regret for the failed romances?” They compared 250 college students in different hypothetical romantic situations on blaming self or others, acting or not acting to cause the breakup, and gender.

 

Results? There were no gender differences. When people blamed themselves for a failed relationship, breaking up (an action) led to more regret than staying in the relationship (inaction). However, when people blamed the other person for the failed relationship, their level of regret was the same whether they stayed in the relationship (inaction) or acted and broke up.

 

Inevitably, regret is common in failed relationships. Be prepared for and learn from it. Do not let it deter you from trying again to build a new positive relationship.

Written by Kristin M. Harris, Ph.D.