Reference: Makarla, P. R., Joergensen, G. H., Tyner, K. B., Sprinkle, C., & Rothermich, K. (2024). Differences in politeness perception of irony and prosocial lies: Exploring the role of age, gender, and geographic location. Canadian journal of experimental psychology = Revue canadienne de psychologie experimentale, 78(2), 100–113. https://doi.org/10.1037/cep0000324

Have you ever told a lie to be nice, or used sarcasm to get your point across? You might think it sounds polite, but would others agree? American and British researchers investigated.

They studied how people judge the politeness of everyday language, like sarcasm, teasing, and kind-meaning lies. Participants included 280 adults who watched short videos showing five types of speech: literal praise, blunt honesty, sarcasm, teasing, and positive meaningful lies. After each video, the participants rated how polite the speaker was and filled out surveys about their own communication style.

Results? Findings show how we judge politeness depends on who we are and where we're from. Older adults think teasing is less polite than younger folks do. Men are more likely than women to find blunt or sarcastic comments polite. When it comes to prosocial lies – those gentle fibs – the British find them more polite than Americans do. Even though there are common trends, personal preferences and cultural backgrounds shape how people view situations.

So next time you bend the truth to be nice or joke to make a point, think about who’s listening. The same words can sound polite to one person and off-putting to another.

Written by Kristin M. Harris, Ph.D.